Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Suppose, if nothing wrong happened to them, i should already on a trip to pulau pramuka, away from work, to do another work. hahaha…
But, since that last minute cancellation by my client’s client, here I am, still in front of the computer, typing my sorrow story (too exaggerating ya?)

So, well… no hard feelings, no regrets. no anger, and actually quite relieved (strange huh?) cause I could’ve left work with a dozen worries because some loose end that I haven’t tie.

oh, yeah, chinese new year, plus my birthday just passed by, and I’m happy to meet the family, although they’re different in some ways, each of them, but, we still are, family…

meanwhile, what else is happening to me?
or around me?
or around us?
hum hum, you can call me reckless and ignorant, but I am.
really don’t know that much about the latest news n all.
just busy with my own self in my own world that I’ve created.

but anyway…
still got lot of things to do, improving myself and more environmental friendly is two of them…

Next is,
Helping others.

Soon.

18:25 Depok time
Niki Out

Januari, 20 2008

Januari, 20 2008
wow, sudah hampir jam 9 malam. 20:52

Gue lagi di warnet, jarang2 nih.
biasanya gue posting di rumah atau kantor (tapi itu ga penting)

Gue mau bilang…
Kadang2, atau mungkin malah sering, gue ga sadar kalo gue super egois.
ga peduli dan ga mikir tentang kesejahteraan orang lain di sekitar gue.
abis gue biasanya dibilangin sih.
jadi tetap pada masalah yang itu2 aja, miskomunikasi dan self awareness.

Jadi gue mungkin akan lebih suka kalo gue hidup, paling engga tinggal di tempat gue sendiri (which is I don’t have any right now)
well, gue punya satu (kalo ga banyak..) keburukan, yaitu gue ga tau diri, sekali dikasih kesempatan, ya gue akan terus manfaatin (apalagi kalo ga dibilangin). yang penting kan guenya senang. haha…
tapi kan ga bisa kayak gitu terus.
ya gue juga bisa sadar kok.
jadi langkah pertama yang harus gue lakukan adalah?
Berpikir tidak dari diri gue sendiri, tapi lewat mata orang lain juga.
kan ga mau juga kehilangan temen gara2 masalah sepele yang harusnya bisa dicari
penyelesaiannya. bukan begitu?
Eh, yang baca pada ngerti ga ya? (satu lagi keburukan gue)
so eniwei…
rasanya gue, dengan keegoisan gue, saat ini cuma pengen numpahin apa yang lagi gue pikirin aja. jadi minta maaf kepada para pembaca setia untuk posting yang penuh perasaan tapi tidak sistematik ini (kayak ada yang baca aja heheh)

ok untuk saat ini jadi gue akan mencatat ulang sisi2 buruk gue:
1. ga tau diri
2. berharap orang ngerti jalan pikiran gue

apa lagi ya?

oh iya
gue juga ngerasa saat ini gue sangat sangat sangat tidak pede dalam urusan
menjalin suatu hubungan romantis (bahasa jawa-nya romantic relationship)
ga tau apakah itu traumatis atau gue memang sedang tidak ingin menjalin satu hubungan tetap (what an asshole ya?) tapi intinya gue merasa agak tidak nyaman saat suatu hubungan (pertemanan) berlanjut ke tahap yang lebih intim (dekat) sehingga timbul sinyal2 (sparkle) yang memicu terjadinya hal2 yang berbau cinta atau bahkan seksual.

ah…
semakin tidak jelas niki

jadi waktunya untuk selesai

21:33 20.01.08

Niki out

28 September 2004

Siang yang terik…ditemani lagu-lagu mp3 dan sebatang rokok
(damn I gotta quit sometime..), cukup sudah membenahi kamar. Sudah cukup rapi,
Hmm…menurut saya sendiri sih. Orang-orang sudah mulai bangun (heheh…semalam
habis bergadang). Saya sendiri baru bangun ketika matahari sudah mulai
memancarkan cahaya panas (gimana tuh?). Bangun karena gerah. Hidup yang tidak
terlalu menarik. Tapi saya menikmatinya. Tugas kuliah bertumpuk, kapan
dikerjakan yah… Selalu saja ditunda. Mental yang payah. Hahaha… Senangnya menertawakan
diri sendiri. Tidak terlalu peduli juga. Bosan.

Kepala saya terasa penuh. Harus dipilah-pilah, mana yang
perlu dipikirkan lebih dahulu. Ternyata saya tidak multitasking. Kerja saya lambat. Perlu banyak konsentrasi. Perlu
banyak motivasi/tor. Dan menulis ternyata membuat saya merasa lapar yah… Atau
mungkin memang saya belum makan dari pagi sih… Oke, jadi kegiatan selanjutnya
adalah makan, mandi, dan berangkat ke kampus.

Belum bergerak juga, masih duduk di depan computer, Hhhh…
‘terbunuh sepi’ memangnya saya merasa kesepian? Atau sebal dengan jalan hidup
saya? Mulai deh, timbul pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang saya pikir agak pathetic. Mengapa manusia berpikir?
Manusia berpikir maka dia ada, kata siapa yah..saya lupa. Lalu manusia yang
tidak berpikir adalah bukan manusia, gitu?

Apakah saya sudah dewasa?

Sepertinya saya masih sangat amat moody. Tidak dapat menentukan sesuatu yang harus dan yang ingin
saya kerjakan. Apakah keharusan itu? Yah sepertinya sih jika kamu hidup di
suatu komunitas sosial, selalu ada yang membatasi kamu. Huahaha…saya mulai
melantur. Mungkin karena Stress. Mengapa stress? Karena tidak merasa bisa
mengerjakan apa-apa. Harus lebih banyak belajar. Belajar untuk yakin pada diri
sendiri, belajar juga agar merasa yakin.

Sekarang saya benar-benar butuh makan. Jadi mungkin nanti
saya lanjutkan lagi, atau tidak. Oke,oke… nanti akan saya lanjutkan, sambil
menyortir pekerjaan lain yang harus saya lakukan. Jadi supaya tidak sia-sia
juga saya membuat ini.

Terima kasih.

28 September 2004, 11:34.

December, 22. 2006

December, 22. 2006 5:55 PM

These past few days, I feel like I’ve been given a lot of
things to think about.

Some are good, others bad. So, all I can do right now is
‘bengong’ and let my mind roams to see all the things that has happened and
will happen in the future, near and far. Right now, I feel and think that it’s
very easy for me to flip from the top to the bottom of my energy meter. It’s
like small things, simple words or action could change me to become either very
optimistic or pessimistic. Least I can do is to let that thought be and go on
doing what I’m planning to do. So far things had gone good. That is if I look
back and see myself back at the point where I was dumbfounded, clueless and had
no ambition. I am better than that.

First

Now I kept a small journal, not very detailed, but quite
alright for now.

Second

I make schedule, and try to stick to it (and write it in my
journal)

Third

I always try to think positive and from many angle

Fourth

I try to be aware of hygiene, self and environment

Fifth

I do stuff because I think it is necessary, not just because
I was told to do it

Sixth

I’m more open to old and new people, exploring their mind
and learn from it

Seventh

I do everything wholeheartedly

What else?

The list could go on and on a long way, but long story
short, right now I’m still on a phase that I had to get through. So help me
God. Keep my strength. Give me support. Listen. Don’t falter. Look back and
ahead, left and right. Go steady, not to slow, not to fast, but steady. And
hopefully, with faith, everything will be fine. Maybe not as planned, but yet I
have faith that things will flow and I will have some control of my life.

Resolution for the year to come

Be clean

Aim high

Know own strength

No smoking

Less drinking

Punctual

Keep your promise

Remember

6:14 PM

Niky out…

December 11, 2006

December 11, 2006 10:42 AM
Actually, i’m not really ready to write.
Everything’s still floating around in my head, my archives is not working properly yet.
But, well…here goes nothing.

It’s been a while, a long while, since i post anything in this blog (weblogs) <– i just found out. And back then, i don’t see why i have to or want to write anything in here.
So, what happened between the first time i made this blog and now?
A lot of things (at least for me). Oh yeah And I promised I would write some things, any changes and thought i have, before 2006 ends. The next post will be that.
In the meantime, I will say that right now, since last month, i have been repairing myself. keeping myself clean and healthy and sociable and worthy for myself and for everyone else i meet.
That’s all for now. I did promise i will post something before this year ends, and this is just a warm up. till next time.
thanks for reading.

Dec 11, 2006 10:50 AM
Niki Out.

spending time with your friend

Don’t you just looove hanging out with your friends?
either doing some sports, watching movie, or even just couch and coffe to go with the latest topic and stupid things…
yeah… that’s fun ain’t it?
i have a slight problem with that (slight eh…?!)

first, i have a bad time management…that is I can’t resist having fun and so neglect everything else.
even now. HA…

second, even when i thought i know when to stop, i feel bad if i have to leave, or either i can’t (cos i’m going by their car and it’s a place in a galaxy far far away a long time ago heheh..)

third, i already said it’s time consuming, furthermore my wallet is not getting thicker (free translation: I’M BROKE!)

OKAy…
Let’s carry on.
so how do you? How can you control things when it’s getting not so cool or too extatic?
hmm…
i shouldn’t be posting this if i don’t know ya?
but I don’t.
maybe in the next few month, before this 2006 ends, I will get something…
like anyone care ya?
heheh…

ENJOY.

niki as he was but with a li’l more attitude for destruc…HOHO…not that one..how about Logically more mature…heheh..

OKAY,

SEEYA

januari 11, 2006

Hmmm….

januari 11, 2006

oops…Januari 12, 2006 5:25 am

wht am i doing at this time of day? well this and that…

that’s not what i’m here for.

these first days of the year, something opens my eyes.

i broke up, i go out, meet people, old and new ones…

every single things facinates me.

those past few days, i got myself thinking, amazed, realizing, deciding that

this is the time. Time to change, time to see everything more clearly, time to go further and work harder, cos time is not waiting for me, not on my side Anymore.

maybe i have said this thousand of times. Bla bla bla…getting better, do good things, go here and there….

Bullshit.

Don’t you think.

Haha…

So do I.

But, will that help?

Will that keeps us going, or bring us down.

you will know.

I’ll just keep on telling myself to go on up and about.

honest with you mind, honest with your heart

makes everyone happy, including yourself.

Am

I

blabbering here?

you try not sleeping and then try to type your thought with dry soft lenses and a sore throat, and then you can complain.

niki

5:43 out.